Chaos, chaos...seems that's all I keep around me, these days. I admit, I cause most of it myself, but I'm not exactly an orderly person, more often than not.

What a day, and it isn't even noon yet. What a day, and such a day I choose to write a journal entry. I picked the wrong one, since I don't really have anything nice to talk about.

I think there's something wrong with me. I'm losing my temper more and more, lately. Or more like I have a "my views and opinions are perfect and yours are wrong, this makes sense to me and you should just accept it" issue going on.

I get angry at the stupidest things and take it out on the best people. They don't deserve this from me. I used to have such a thick skin against this stuff but it's laying me low, nowadays.

I'm better than this. I can be a better person but lately, I don't want to be. I want to be vile and nasty and confrontational. I used to think this was funny, but now I'm starting to feel shame in my behavior. I'm too proud to give in, I want to give in, why can't I?

By choice, I have few friends. I like it better that way. But what with getting so defensive lately, I risk putting them through Hell and losing them. I'm pushing the line to the limits and I realize it.

So why won't I stop? Why do I keep doing this?

Why am I so unhappy all the time, lately?

I should really take a deep breath and consider this carefully because it's gotten pretty bad, now.